Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize