Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
