I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
