If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize