the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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