so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
