dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
