I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
