somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
