I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
