Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
