She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you didnt know i had herpes?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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