Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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