you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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