were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
