Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
