just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
