the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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