i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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