guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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