No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
