I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize