In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
