I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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