If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
