he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
