I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
