I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
