When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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