So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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