All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
