AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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