so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
