Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
