Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
