so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
