every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
