If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
