Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
