U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
