I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
