Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
