Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
