i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
NoShamevember. You game?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
