the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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