dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
