you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
