I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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