you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
