dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
