Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
