escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
