I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
