she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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