I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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