Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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