Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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