so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
