Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
