last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
