Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Semen is not good for contacts.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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