Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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