Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
