i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
