Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
