k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
