Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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