you would pick up someone in the library
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
