Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
