so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
