dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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