Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
