This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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