Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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