I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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