The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
