True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
