oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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