When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
