I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
