I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
