What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
