why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
you had me at cake vodka
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
