She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Mom said you looked used
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
