I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
