No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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