hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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