I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
